bballamike

it did explode

2011-02-07T23:55:00.000-08:00

Well I was right, I did explode.everything I had and worked for is gone and everything I loved is now damaged because I couldn't control my shit.I thought, stupidly, that icould handel my crazy like every other day of my life.... and im so ashamed of the fact that I couldn't. Its too late now its done its happned and I have no choice but to deal with the fall out. In the end im so fucking scared right now its not funny. On tuesday well twelve hours from now I have my first mandatory meetings with mhmr, and I will at least have some idea what il be able to do, or if I can get the help im hoping for.hopefully im not stuck this way forever, if I am it will just explode again.... stay tuned for my feelings after my meeting with my counseler, yay

seems things dont change

2010-12-03T03:05:00.000-08:00

Its been a year and I sit in the same position as always, unhappy with work, life,wife,myself,and my crazy. This seems so odd to me because I used to be happy..... I think. Things have change a new job, I somewhere along the way stopped caring about anything, as far as others feelings twards me. And its been long enough that no one reads this anymore so I feel safe in continuing with it but in the end I think that if I don't change something I will explode. Thank you that is all.

catch up

2009-09-15T21:38:00.001-07:00

Beeen working 7 days a week for far to long im tired and now i work seven days a week and am making half the money.....no good, think i decided to go to college, mainly because i dont know why im not going.

thought of the day
"the best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago, the second best time is now."

2009-01-08T17:09:00.001-08:00

my new year res
"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined."
— Henry David Thoreau

2008-12-28T06:28:00.000-08:00

I HATE being fucked in the head. im tired of feeling the way that i do and feeling like there is no one to talk to. mainly because there isnt anyone who understands. my mind runs a million miles a minute, my feelings change just as fast. i cant help it. im tired of being so damn angry. im tired of my wife having to deal with it. im tired of her taking the brunt of my anger and hatred towards a world that will never care. im tired of having to tell my self that im ok and that these thoughts are just because im nuts that i dont really want to walk off into the great unknown, then im filled with overwhelming grief because i love her more than anything in the world, and im just horrible to her. i need her want her love her she is all that keeps me moving. i miss her. i miss her touch kiss and all i want is to get her to fall in love with me all over again.to have her look at me the way she used to, to need me to want to be with me. where does that go?any way thats enouph rambeling

Frustrated

2008-12-20T09:12:00.000-08:00

Im tired worn out and burnt out. i hate this night schedule i feel like its all i do is work and thats it. the only reason im with this fucking job is security, knowing that the money is there. and thats it. im applying for anything under the fucking sun to get out of this hell and no one is calling back. i could throw papers for a hundred a day and you never pay taxes,work like six hours a day and be done. if my car got ten miles to the gallon and gas were 1.75 id still come home with 2400 a month no taxes....... wtf

live from j hizzy

2008-09-07T13:27:00.000-07:00

so here i sit with no sleep, all buzzed on coffee and smokes...... so im sorry for what will probably a run of weird unintelligible rants. first , im sorry my beautiful wife, damn im horny and there are a plethora of extreme hotties in next to nothing running all around this town. with that said....Damn!!!!! second im watching super high me (wich if you have not seen ... please watch) its a bout doug benson who was voted 2nd funniest high comic by high times. who quits smoking or 30 days and drinking, and how his body. then gets high as fuck for thirty days to see what happens..... its fucking great. and i have decided that i hate the legal system... mainly local laws.... mengtar get her car stolen they total it find irrefutable evidence that they did it..... and they get probation, and i dont cut my grass and i end up in jail........ wtf. what the hell is that. also im thinking of trying stand up comedy, but im not sure because that takes writing them... that im not so good at that part. i dont know we will see

2008-06-22T13:10:00.001-07:00

2008-05-28T14:47:00.000-07:00

im starting a fucking movement. the advancement for heterosexual males rights movement. the ahmr. no longer will we sit bound by the fact that we have needs(sex) and hope that the females that co inhabit our domains will give me some. im tired of being winnie the pooh forever chasing the golden honey pot and winning once in a while. i need sex i want sex i want sex with the previously stated female who co inhabits my domain. i dont want to feel like its a chore for her to occasionally please me. i am tired of trying asking begging for her touch my penis. so here are some of the rights we will now fight for. sex once a week, unless its that time of the month. if no sex then some type of sexual playing in its place. wether it be a blow job, hand job, or assisted hand job or you just laying there naked giving us something to look at while i take care of it myself. thats all we ask. It will help you out in the end because we will be happier people if we get something at least 3 time a month. thank you for your time.
president of the ahmr,
micheal stoffer

2008-05-25T00:15:00.000-07:00

New camera fun my lovely wife

and fun at the bar

2008-05-18T03:13:00.000-07:00

i found greatness please enjoy "slap that naughty body" gotta love jrock

now here is the same chick with a really good song

now some jpop from same girl only with some jrap in it,

2008-05-09T02:15:00.000-07:00

so im trying like hell to pretend im not bothered bu i am. finding a dead guy at a place i never go to but somehow we ended up there, tonight my sales coming to 666 and tonight see a guy get hit by a car on his bicycle, am i bad luck, coincidence or am i meant to be places. kinda weirded out, i cant get the image of the dead guy out of my head. i just dont want to think about it, i dont want to be alone. oh well shit happens

2008-05-04T05:14:00.000-07:00

i feel like im at the edge looking out at a great life but im scared that i dont have a cause to fight for

2008-04-27T09:53:00.000-07:00

hey peeps what up. (notice that there is a period, because i dont really want you to tell me whats up) so i am back after a long sabbatical. sorry i was away for so long( to all three of you that read this)so ive been working and i hate it, debating if i should give up on music, facing the fact that im not that good but hey what ever i still like to play. i miss certain bballa, i havnt seen mengtar in forever, and senior brad or as i like to call him pussy McPussertains from pussy town ,seems to gone all anti social...... pussy. j/k i love pussy McPussertains. other than that life is good. however mengtar better come hang out soon or ill open a can of whoop ass 5000

2008-03-23T22:13:00.000-07:00

I wrote a new song. im sorry steph
www.myspace.com/wellintonalso

2008-03-21T02:59:00.000-07:00

so a certain bballa by the name of mike might be going away soon(by no choice of his own) in order to deal with certain issues. scared shitless is how id describe me now. but its cool, they say i need it, but im not so sure. maybe im just an asshole who wont change. did anyone ever consider that. that maybe i just really suck as a person. and that its not my fault people love the bad boy but want to fix him. i operated for twenty three fucking years before this just fine. did anyone think about that. no... fuck im angry. im angry because you may be right, im angry i might be right, im angry because that car didnt kill me. im angry because you didnt leave me. im angry that you love me.

2008-03-07T20:37:00.000-08:00

bballa mike is not feeling so bballa today. no sir roonie. lots of pain and im sleepy cause i worked to much. ahh well that the nature of the beast. but it hurts to laugh and well that is no way to live. stupid lady running me over and not stopping. no quote today just sad faces :(

2008-03-07T00:12:00.000-08:00

so i was hit by CAR TODAY. it hurt and she kept driving and out of the like 20 cars around no one got out to see if i was ok . it knocked me out of my shoes

"people suck"
bballa mike

2008-03-05T20:54:00.000-08:00

so to day is the day that the world finally drops, thats right brad three blogs what now Russia has fired the nukes "but im le tired" andin the words of mengtar "you heard it here first. now for a night of drunken debauchery

"Man, being reasonable, must get drunk; The best of life is but intoxication: . . . " — Lord Byron

2008-03-04T18:45:00.000-08:00

so by all accounts i should be pissed and angry to day and yet im only slightly upset. i know you must ask yourself why should the day piss you off and why arnt you. i shall divulge. im the lowest paid manager in the hotel and have been asked.....rather told..... that i am now to handle two managerial positions at the current rate of pay for an undetermined amount of time. fkn hotel gm.
and honestly im not so sure why im in an ok mood but i just am. done and done.

"I have no regrets because I know I did my best"
Midori Ito

2008-03-02T04:01:00.000-08:00

so for the most part lately i feel lost, not sure of what is what was or what will be, im sorry ill try to cheer up later and maybe write cool blogs like mengtar and ipwnalone but for now i continue depressed hurt and scared of things that might come.

"The last refuge of the insomniac is a sense of superiority to the sleeping world.
leonard cohen"

Yes, I now feel that it was then on that evening of sweet dreams- that the very first dawn of human love burst upon the icy night of my spirit. Since that period I have never seen nor heard your name without a shiver half of delight, half of anxiety. For years your name never passed my lips, while my soul drank in, with a delirious thirst, all that was uttered in my presence respecting you. - Edgar Allan Poe

2008-02-18T08:05:00.000-08:00

i havnt had the bad come along in a while so i expected it, but was hoping that maybe i had outgrown it all. but i havnt it all started again last night. i had the dream that means the beginning of the depression the insomnia and suicidal thoughts. im not looking forward to it all, im really hoping that it was a false alarm .

"This is my depressed stance. When you're depressed, it makes a lot of difference how you stand. The worst thing you can do is straighten up and hold your head high because then you'll start to feel better. If you're going to get any joy out of being depressed, you've got to stand like this."
Charlie Brown

"There is a time for departure even when there's no certain place to go"
Tennessee Williams

2008-01-30T19:12:00.000-08:00

so i keep moving on, i want to play more music. last night was good i guess. but i still get nervous as hell on stage. i just want to play, music is the only thing that makes since anymore. anyway quote of the day by mark twain.

" Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first."
and just because he has so many another by mr. twain

"But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?"

2008-01-27T00:06:00.000-08:00

wow seems my daily blog is becoming more like a weekly blog. so news from the home front, Jupiter house is really fucking busy, work still sucks(shocker of the day) and i just saw a one legged homeless black man with a pink beenie kiss a wooden indian lady, its creepy in a fun way. oh calija. thats a hank williams song if you were curios. i went out tonight looking for a friendly familiar face to drink and share war stories with. but i couldnt find one, damn my friends for not having a life when its convenient for me.and in the words of i pwn alone i approved this message. done and done.

and in the words of u2 "i still havnt found what im looking for"

2008-01-20T00:35:00.000-08:00

so i woke up today and realized i hate my life and all ive become, not because its bad but because i settled. my life is nothing more than a stagnant shell of what i used to be.ive taken and i keep working a job that in all honesty i hate and that i will never be good enough to be able to succeed . i gave up on my dream my passion my every being , so that she could feel secure. i know she never asked me to nor would she, but its in her actions . i dont know what to do now, but i have to do something. soon.

2008-01-18T02:00:00.000-08:00

so its been a ridicules long time since i last blogged, and i cant seem to spell for donkey balls.
(god love spell check) ive got my bike,yay, but its been balls cold, not so yay.i have officially decided that with in the next month i will play a show. within the next two months i will write one more song and learn two more. within the next three months i will go to Austin and play on the street. done and done.

2008-01-08T19:46:00.000-08:00

so my pops calls and says hes in town and we should do lunch. so i go its the usual meaningless bull shit that i expected. then he decides to cosign for a loan, which throws me off but im like ok lets give it a try. so we go in the dealership and the sales guy"cliff"(to whom my wife claims is kissing ass so much that his whole face is brown) says what kind of bike do you want and im like gsxr 1000. he runs the credit while my dad and i are forced to make small talk for the next thirty minutes, the whole time im like dear god in heaven will this guy(cliff) just tell me im denied so i can go to work. then he comes out and says i have bad news, cant get you the bike you wanted. wait so you can get me a bike and he says yes so long story short i have a honda shadow 750. yay now im gonna go play at andys

2008-01-08T08:02:00.000-08:00

Hells ya i gots a new motorcycle pictures to come soon, today was a good day i didnt have to use my ak

2007-12-30T13:44:00.000-08:00

shitty week break down...... no presents except from my mom. not even a card, then Christmas with the in laws , thats right a whole day of constant judgment, and not being good enouph, always a pleasure, then christmas with titties which was alright, then crappy work , then finding a lie that kills me and make me want to never come home then i have to ask my dad for a loan so i can get a vehicle.

2007-12-24T17:48:00.000-08:00

at the risk of sounding emo, i dont know if its the cold or what but my shit is acting up like crazy. i dont feel like myself , i need to get medicine before i make stupid decisions. like leaving

2007-12-21T10:09:00.000-08:00

Christmas just doesnt feel like christmas it just feels like a forced happy day balls to the 25th

2007-12-18T21:42:00.000-08:00

so ive decided to open a gecko farm, so i can take the toes and make a suit that i can use to become a master thief also deep revelation of the day - 39 is way to many so says mengtar

2007-12-18T21:39:00.001-08:00

also no explinations so dont ask

2007-12-18T21:38:00.000-08:00

sometimes you are just to much, i dont know what to say other than that

2007-12-16T14:02:00.001-08:00

Im at my wits end, and i dont want to live this fake poser ass life anymore

2007-12-13T12:51:00.000-08:00

damn im angry today

2007-12-13T07:37:00.000-08:00

apparently, Eskimos in anchorage do lots of crack, and they are drunks. i have that on good authority. also they sole my ipod but not my earphones. damn

2007-12-13T01:37:00.000-08:00

Well I've never done this before, its my first time so here we go......that was for mengtar. today is shitty but as mengtar stated"iron appedices and no surgeries is bballa by definition." and also my ipod was stolen from my desk, what the gay is that. my desk? seriously? You don't take a musicians music thats like taking out my heart taking one bite then wasting the rest....ahhhh not good. no one would steal bush's ipod, i would then hit him with his dog then repeatedly have sex with his daughters. thats what i would do, oddly enough im ok with that.grrr what the balls!!!!!!!!!!!!