it did explode

Well I was right, I did explode.everything I had and worked for is gone and everything I loved is now damaged because I couldn't control my shit.I thought, stupidly, that icould handel my crazy like every other day of my life.... and im so ashamed of the fact that I couldn't. Its too late now its done its happned and I have no choice but to deal with the fall out. In the end im so fucking scared right now its not funny. On tuesday well twelve hours from now I have my first mandatory meetings with mhmr, and I will at least have some idea what il be able to do, or if I can get the help im hoping for.hopefully im not stuck this way forever, if I am it will just explode again.... stay tuned for my feelings after my meeting with my counseler, yay

seems things dont change

Its been a year and I sit in the same position as always, unhappy with work, life,wife,myself,and my crazy. This seems so odd to me because I used to be happy..... I think. Things have change a new job, I somewhere along the way stopped caring about anything, as far as others feelings twards me. And its been long enough that no one reads this anymore so I feel safe in continuing with it but in the end I think that if I don't change something I will explode. Thank you that is all.

catch up

Beeen working 7 days a week for far to long im tired and now i work seven days a week and am making half the money.....no good, think i decided to go to college, mainly because i dont know why im not going.

thought of the day
"the best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago, the second best time is now."

my new year res
"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined."
— Henry David Thoreau

I HATE being fucked in the head. im tired of feeling the way that i do and feeling like there is no one to talk to. mainly because there isnt anyone who understands. my mind runs a million miles a minute, my feelings change just as fast. i cant help it. im tired of being so damn angry. im tired of my wife having to deal with it. im tired of her taking the brunt of my anger and hatred towards a world that will never care. im tired of having to tell my self that im ok and that these thoughts are just because im nuts that i dont really want to walk off into the great unknown, then im filled with overwhelming grief because i love her more than anything in the world, and im just horrible to her. i need her want her love her she is all that keeps me moving. i miss her. i miss her touch kiss and all i want is to get her to fall in love with me all over again.to have her look at me the way she used to, to need me to want to be with me. where does that go?any way thats enouph rambeling

Frustrated

Im tired worn out and burnt out. i hate this night schedule i feel like its all i do is work and thats it. the only reason im with this fucking job is security, knowing that the money is there. and thats it. im applying for anything under the fucking sun to get out of this hell and no one is calling back. i could throw papers for a hundred a day and you never pay taxes,work like six hours a day and be done. if my car got ten miles to the gallon and gas were 1.75 id still come home with 2400 a month no taxes....... wtf

live from j hizzy

so here i sit with no sleep, all buzzed on coffee and smokes...... so im sorry for what will probably a run of weird unintelligible rants. first , im sorry my beautiful wife, damn im horny and there are a plethora of extreme hotties in next to nothing running all around this town. with that said....Damn!!!!! second im watching super high me (wich if you have not seen ... please watch) its a bout doug benson who was voted 2nd funniest high comic by high times. who quits smoking or 30 days and drinking, and how his body. then gets high as fuck for thirty days to see what happens..... its fucking great. and i have decided that i hate the legal system... mainly local laws.... mengtar get her car stolen they total it find irrefutable evidence that they did it..... and they get probation, and i dont cut my grass and i end up in jail........ wtf. what the hell is that. also im thinking of trying stand up comedy, but im not sure because that takes writing them... that im not so good at that part. i dont know we will see

im starting a fucking movement. the advancement for heterosexual males rights movement. the ahmr. no longer will we sit bound by the fact that we have needs(sex) and hope that the females that co inhabit our domains will give me some. im tired of being winnie the pooh forever chasing the golden honey pot and winning once in a while. i need sex i want sex i want sex with the previously stated female who co inhabits my domain. i dont want to feel like its a chore for her to occasionally please me. i am tired of trying asking begging for her touch my penis. so here are some of the rights we will now fight for. sex once a week, unless its that time of the month. if no sex then some type of sexual playing in its place. wether it be a blow job, hand job, or assisted hand job or you just laying there naked giving us something to look at while i take care of it myself. thats all we ask. It will help you out in the end because we will be happier people if we get something at least 3 time a month. thank you for your time.
president of the ahmr,
micheal stoffer

New camera fun my lovely wife


and fun at the bar

i found greatness please enjoy "slap that naughty body" gotta love jrock

now here is the same chick with a really good song

now some jpop from same girl only with some jrap in it,

so im trying like hell to pretend im not bothered bu i am. finding a dead guy at a place i never go to but somehow we ended up there, tonight my sales coming to 666 and tonight see a guy get hit by a car on his bicycle, am i bad luck, coincidence or am i meant to be places. kinda weirded out, i cant get the image of the dead guy out of my head. i just dont want to think about it, i dont want to be alone. oh well shit happens

i feel like im at the edge looking out at a great life but im scared that i dont have a cause to fight for

hey peeps what up. (notice that there is a period, because i dont really want you to tell me whats up) so i am back after a long sabbatical. sorry i was away for so long( to all three of you that read this)so ive been working and i hate it, debating if i should give up on music, facing the fact that im not that good but hey what ever i still like to play. i miss certain bballa, i havnt seen mengtar in forever, and senior brad or as i like to call him pussy McPussertains from pussy town ,seems to gone all anti social...... pussy. j/k i love pussy McPussertains. other than that life is good. however mengtar better come hang out soon or ill open a can of whoop ass 5000

I wrote a new song. im sorry steph
www.myspace.com/wellintonalso

so a certain bballa by the name of mike might be going away soon(by no choice of his own) in order to deal with certain issues. scared shitless is how id describe me now. but its cool, they say i need it, but im not so sure. maybe im just an asshole who wont change. did anyone ever consider that. that maybe i just really suck as a person. and that its not my fault people love the bad boy but want to fix him. i operated for twenty three fucking years before this just fine. did anyone think about that. no... fuck im angry. im angry because you may be right, im angry i might be right, im angry because that car didnt kill me. im angry because you didnt leave me. im angry that you love me.

bballa mike is not feeling so bballa today. no sir roonie. lots of pain and im sleepy cause i worked to much. ahh well that the nature of the beast. but it hurts to laugh and well that is no way to live. stupid lady running me over and not stopping. no quote today just sad faces :(

so i was hit by CAR TODAY. it hurt and she kept driving and out of the like 20 cars around no one got out to see if i was ok . it knocked me out of my shoes

"people suck"
bballa mike

so to day is the day that the world finally drops, thats right brad three blogs what now Russia has fired the nukes "but im le tired" andin the words of mengtar "you heard it here first. now for a night of drunken debauchery

"Man, being reasonable, must get drunk; The best of life is but intoxication: . . . " — Lord Byron

so by all accounts i should be pissed and angry to day and yet im only slightly upset. i know you must ask yourself why should the day piss you off and why arnt you. i shall divulge. im the lowest paid manager in the hotel and have been asked.....rather told..... that i am now to handle two managerial positions at the current rate of pay for an undetermined amount of time. fkn hotel gm.
and honestly im not so sure why im in an ok mood but i just am. done and done.

"I have no regrets because I know I did my best"
Midori Ito