it did explode

Well I was right, I did explode.everything I had and worked for is gone and everything I loved is now damaged because I couldn't control my shit.I thought, stupidly, that icould handel my crazy like every other day of my life.... and im so ashamed of the fact that I couldn't. Its too late now its done its happned and I have no choice but to deal with the fall out. In the end im so fucking scared right now its not funny. On tuesday well twelve hours from now I have my first mandatory meetings with mhmr, and I will at least have some idea what il be able to do, or if I can get the help im hoping for.hopefully im not stuck this way forever, if I am it will just explode again.... stay tuned for my feelings after my meeting with my counseler, yay